holy shit man
if there's something that'll take some getting used to, it's being a "cancer survivor", and being anything that people associate with that. in the past.. 4 months, I've been called brave, a hero, inspirational, etc. all those synonyms.
i'm bad enough as it is for being humble. i can barely listen to someone say how funny i am without turning rutabaga in the face. so i've gone through life and can now pretty much accept compliments from others about my funny and whatever else, and poof now i have to be the "bravest fucking person in the whole goddamn world" (that's from my Honesty Box. a girl.) it's.. i don't know, a lot of pressure maybe? sometimes? it's difficult to see this in myself when i can barely wrap my head around the cancer thing yet anyway. it's much huger than what can fit in one mind, i think.
last night Kyla just messages me online out of nowhere and goes "can i call you?" my initial reaction was "uhh why? you NEVER call me or even talk to me" but anyway she ends up telling me that i've shown her so much about positive attitude, etc. that she thinks i'm a great person to talk to about problems she's having. for help.
being in this position is so new. it's like.. you know how quick and out of nowhere the cancer jumped on me? this whole.. being so wonderful and brave in everyone's eyes jumped on me just as suddenly. i wasn't expecting it. i guess i should have.
anyway it's not the end of the world, this is just old-Mike speaking up and saying that it's a bit of an adjustment. i enjoy the thought of it, because it allows me a better chance to try to help people. social work here i come?? OOH, CATHY LOCKMAN
anyway bye
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1 comment:
Way to have a blog and me not know about it.
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